i wouldn't know a good idea if i caught it mating with my toaster

you ever see Kids?  that incredibly disturbing movie that makes abstinence seem like an amazing idea?  yeah, it's okay if you just threw up a little, i do whenever i remember that "film."  There's that scene when they're (please note the correct usage of homonyms) on the subway and a vet (war hero, not cat doctor) scoots by on a skateboard singing "I have no legs" repeatedly.  That's what i do with my time.  replace "skateboard" with "cardio cruiser" and replace "legs" with "job."

what is that?  you're not familiar with the Cardio Cruiser?! (here i scoff as if you haven't heard the new indy joke) The Cardio Cruiser is an advanced workout system by Jake, sole proprietor of Body by Jake.  This fantastic device combines the ability to burn trivial amounts of calories with the invigorating activity of doing practically jack shit.  Imagine walking, now subtract whatever force is required to propel your body forward, and sit down.  Boom.  The Cardio Cruiser.  I support this item because it allows me to "work out" whilst drinking whiskey and watching The Wire.  If that's not the new American dream then i don't know what is.

All of this is to say, my days are pretty much packed.  So packed, indeed, that i can only watch ONE season of Scrubs per day and still manage to cook myself an unnecessarily elaborate dinner, complete with wine pairings and cheese course.  The next logical step, of course, was to start a blog.  If Magruder can do it, so can i, dammit.  I figure, why not have some fun with my unemployment.

Here's the fun part.  If you, my reader, are employed, you most likely wish you could sit at home, start drinking at noon pantless, and generally be me.  I, however, would like an income.  Not the work, just the income.  So we must share.  I can impart my days and thoughts to you, and you can be vicariously lazy.  The only limit on this is that i can only do it while unemployed.  Otherwise it'll be about as effective as Limp Bizkit's second album.  (it's hard to write really angry music when you are a multi-millionaire celebrity with 3 Playmate girlfriends)

So maybe, we can all kill a little time before the next episode of Arrested Development starts.